Premature Ejaculation

A surprisingly large number of men are convinced that they are victims of premature ejaculation. Some of them create their own worries out of sheer misunderstanding.

In a high percentage of the latter causes, premature ejaculation is interpreted as ejaculation that occurs prior to female orgasm. Actually premature ejaculation refers to ejaculation occurring at the moment of or a few minutes after insertion or, in extreme cases, at the instant of contact or even soon after erection.

If a man can hold back ejaculation at least one minute from the start of thrusting, he can definitely improve his staying power. In fact, an ejaculation carried past the initial stage of intercourse but achieved before the woman's orgasm really reflects a lack of cooperation, especially on the man's part. He is guilty of selfishness and inconsideration for the woman, unless he is inexperienced, or ignorant of sexual techniques to maintain coordination.

How long should sexual intercourse last before reaching "normal" ejaculation? This is a difficult question. Sexual stimulation varies with the depth, speed and intensity of sex movement and depends on whether thrusting is performed continuously or intermittently spaced with intervals of rest. Moreover, stimulation is most largely influenced by sexual excitement in the man's brain. Even under continuous sexual stimulation one should be able to hold back ejaculation at least a minute and preferably for five minutes. By skillful use of "intermissions" and by diverting the mind, a man can learn how to last longer in bed and make intercourse last for 10 minutes, 30 minutes and possibly longer.

Then, what are the causes of genuine premature ejaculation? There. are two principal causes - one is the penis glans covered with foreskin; the other is psychological.

The penis glans is highly concentrated with sensitive nerves and is enveloped by a skin resembling the mucous membrane. In other words, it is an area extremely sensitive to stimulation. In young boys the glans is encased in the foreskin (unless circumcision is performed), but becomes more exposed as the penis grows. As the exposed glans comes in contact with clothing it becomes less sensitive and more difficult to stimulate into excitement. Thus, the glans later serves as an ideal means to give the female sufficient stimulation in sexual intercourse top bring her to orgasm.

For this reason, if the penis is still usually covered with the foreskin, the glans exposed by erection would be far more sensitive than the normally exposed glans. The normally covered glans thus receives high stimulation and ejaculation occurs after a few seconds of sexual union or, in extreme cases, at the moment of entry. Men with an unexposed glans should push back the foreskin frequently to help its exposure. When the foreskin is extremely long, and the glans is not exposed at erection, frequent exposure of the glans is a good idea.

On the other hand, the psychological cause of premature ejaculation cannot be dealt with as easily as the covered glans. There are various psychological causes of premature ejaculation. It may be caused by over-arousal, a residual sense of guilt or shame about sex, over-rapid masturbation in adolescence, by sexual abuse, by lack of confidence in sexual intercourse, by misogyny, and by the conflict between sexual desire and fear of pregnancy or religious abstinence. The man's wish to satisfy his own or his partner's sexual desire is occasionally inhibited by a force working in the opposite direction.

Premature ejaculation can be prevented by a correct knowledge of sex and by confidence in sexual intercourse, but the only cure is to find the cause and remove it.

How to Delay Ejaculation

In order to time ejaculation to coincide with the woman's orgasm, the man should give his partner lots of foreplay and besides must train himself to a certain extent in delaying his ejaculation.

First of all, the man himself must be determined to time himself with her orgasm. For a newly partnered man it is difficult to know when she will reach orgasm. To make it easy for the inexperienced couple, they should previously decide or agree on signals and use them when the time approaches. The woman, especially, should let her partner know when she is ready for orgasm.

When the signal is delayed, the man will have enough time to change his sexual position and rhythm of thrusting. Between the man and woman, certain sex positions may stimulate him more than her, while others may stimulate her more than him. They should look for these sexual positions and, in this case, select the one that gives the least stimulation to the man from among those positions that powerfully excite and stimulate her.

One couple, for example, used man on top sex positions first, followed this up with woman on top to accelerate the wife's sexual stimulation, and finally returned to man on top sex to have an orgasm together. In other words, following their first change in position the husband tried to remain as calm - sexually unaroused - as possible while yielding the aggressive role in woman on top to the wife. Those men who find it difficult to control their emotion might count sheep or think about their work. But for nervous men this is not the best way to distract themselves, for at times they may lose their erection. It may be better for the man to watch his partner calmly to see how much she is stimulated. And, if he wishes to please a woman in bed, he should make sure he communicates with her at all times.

Also, he should space out his thrusting with periods of rest. But they must not be too long, otherwise the woman's sexual excitement may be cooled and it may be hard to arouse her again. Even with momentary rest the man can considerably allay his excitement. The short rest on the other hand, is likely to add fuel to the woman's burning desire as she waits impatiently and with expectation. When the rest lasts longer, he should not forget to substitute caresses for thrusting. Soft whispers of love are wonderful, powerful stimulants. Kissing and massaging the breasts are particularly effective in keeping her passion burning while the man suppresses his sexual excitement.

Another important factor in delaying ejaculation is the method of thrusting. Shallow penetration and gentle movement do not necessarily cause weak sexual stimulation. The male generally experiences strong excitement from the stimulation of the penis glans, especially the coronal rim of the penis. Shallow sexual movement with the coronal rim of the penis barely inserted into the vagina will certainly intensify stimulation for both partners and make it impossible to postpone ejaculation.

By contrast, gentle entry and quick withdrawal arouse her senses of expectation, and sexual stimulation is far more effective on the woman than on the man. He should press as deeply as possible in his insertion and when withdrawing should retain the corona within the vagina. Also, the woman should stop moving with him.

In this way he can delay his ejaculation until she is fully prepared for orgasm. When she is ready she can hardly wait for her partner's ejaculation and flashes the signal. Then he can release his brake and resume active sexual stimulation to charge into the world of rapture. The female, impatiently awaiting him at the moment of ejaculation, responds with a sudden release of her orgasm.

Planning to delay ejaculation is not difficult. Any man can practice it; however, delaying ejaculation does not simply mean distracting oneself. As a man develops a habit of letting his mind wander off to totally irrelevant matters during intercourse, his partner senses his emotional and psychological absence and disconnection.